i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
