You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
