First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just want to make out with him forever
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
