i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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