Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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