How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
