omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
