do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
