oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
