Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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