Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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