BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
