I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
