North Korea, Best Korea!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
