in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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