doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
