Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
