oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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