it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
