And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
