i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
