shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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