I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
