Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
