It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
