I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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