Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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