i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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