Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize