I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
