yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
