at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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