I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
