When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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