You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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