I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
