Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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