Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
