That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
