i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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