I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone