Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
they're like a gay fantastic four
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high