I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"