I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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