The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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