I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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