He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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