At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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