I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
