I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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