So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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