So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
