I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
