she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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