Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
