Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
