When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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