i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
