I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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