i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You work out of a Hotel?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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