dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
