ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
