he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
