8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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