The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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