i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
