Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
