I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
